He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
