Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
