4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
