Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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