Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
