Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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