Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
