you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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