I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
