Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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