last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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