it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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