she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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