I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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