Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
