made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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