My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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