I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
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i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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