Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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