I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
