Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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