We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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