i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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