You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
