You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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