I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
