Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
