my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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