If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.