So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???