Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think a kid would responsible me up
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.