my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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