someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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