God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
