he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
