im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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