I must be too annoying 4 u.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
