Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
