You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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