Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
