is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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