I just made out with a guy for $7.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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