can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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