I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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