I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
vagina is talking i cant
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize