the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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