so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
