I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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