Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
