dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
