Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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