I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I cut my penus on the lid.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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