am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
