y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
