i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
