Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
