You work out of a Hotel?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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