you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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