I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight