Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
