Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize