paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
