Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
