i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
